:D

/Staycation

My very brief spring break has come to an end already. I had my last final on the 19th, and I'm terrified to see my final grade for that class. Nada had 6 passage identifications where you have to identify the play, speaker, and context from all of the plays we read over the course of the class. That part SUCKED. I think I identified 4/6 without a doubt, but 2 of them slipped past me. Hopefully I'm a good guesser. But I got 95/100 on my Elizabethan sexuality paper and I'm expecting an A on my 5-page King Lear paper as well, so I'm positive I have at least a B in the class.

After Monday, I didn't do SHIT this week. I had Th-Sat off work and I only went out one night and spent the others at home. I had all of these awesome productive plans in mind, but I didn't want to do anything. I don't know whether or not I shoyuld feel guilty about this...mostly guilty that I didn't make plans to see people I never get to see during the quarter.

My first day at Seattle U is tomorrow and, unsurprisingly, I realize I procrastinated on buying a new binder and notebooks, etc. I've bought all of my books (and thanks to shitty sellers on Amazon, I'm still waiting on 3 that I originally ordered ON MARCH 6TH...there were cancellations and angry e-mails), but I ALWAYS start new quarters with the previous quarter's supplies. Never again, I say.

I have my first dentists appointment since 2008 on Tuesday and I'm terrified of whats going to happen to my mouth. I have two teeth that have been giving me hell for over a year, and it took until now for me to realize that since I'll be working less, I might lose my insurance so I had better go NOW. I have been experiencing some really weird chest pain in my heart area and it got so bad that I was sure something was wrong. I went to the doctor on Friday and she thinks its a pinched nerve. But its been going on for over a year and has gotten notably more painful recently. I think theres something up, but I guess I'll have to wait for it to get worse before I can get a diagnosis. Horrible sharp shooting pains on the left side of my chest. Not. Normal.

Not excited to start waking up at 8am :[

Almost There

I finished 2/3 of my finals on Friday...so 2/3 of my teachers decided to skip the hassle of finals week and the three hour finals and decided instead to give them to us early. My Shakespeare as Lit. teacher, Nada, has decided to utilize the two hours given during finals week. In fact, she's offered an extra two hours because her finals tend to take a while to complete.

Nada is by far the most difficult teacher I have had so far in my entire academic experience [ever]. I have been a decent writer since middle school, and at this point I am fairly confident in my tenuous ability. The first paper I had to write for her was a four page paper analyzing a sonnet we had not discussed in class. I had absolutely no idea how I would go about analyzing a sonnet in more than one and a half pages; my ability to write semi-extensively about poetry has never been even almost on par with those who were quasi-competent. I decided to break it down quatrain by quatrain and derive what I could out of those lines, the couplet, and included a conclusion paragraph. I got an 80% on that paper, and I haven't earned that low a grade on a paper in a really, really, long time. Our extensive and very comprehensive midterm included TWO four page papers, followed by another four page paper with a 6 slide presentation and 30 line reading from one of the plays we covered, graded VERY. UNKINDLY. Followed by a ten page analysis paper on some aspect of Shakespeare's works (Elizabethan Sexuality as Reflected in the Sonnets) and a take-home final paper of 5 pages on the wrongs of King Lear. I have always been someone who could write an excellent scoring paper with little effort, and Nada really challenged that in me. She required that I be more insightful and more eloquent, and I'm sure I will benefit from her challenge in the long-term. I hope to someday be so astute in the subject of English Lit...I cannot recommend her highly enough.

I was invited to study with a girl I thought was French for the majority of the quarter--and a couple of other girls in my International Relations class. Aigul is actually from Kazakhstan and just happens to be fluent in French and Kazakh. I have considered her my secret competition in class...she can answer as many questions as I can (actually more...kills me) and has made a point to ask me any questions she might have. This wouldn't be weird, but I had been thinking of her as stupid smart all quarter and I thought she was challenging me when she would ask me questions. Because school is a competition to me for some reason I cannot describe.

Anyway, she was a fantastic and thorough study partner, and I really appreciated that about her. We studied for 6 hours straight and then e-mailed each other sample essay questions with the prompts our teacher gave us in our study guide. It felt really fucking good. If I don't get a 3.8-4.0 in that class, I'll be genuinely surprised.

I have Nada's final and 5 page paper to write, and as of around 3pm Monday, I'll be done with my A.A. As of 9:20 a.m. on March 26th, I will have started my first class towards my B.A. in English Literature at Seattle University.

FINALLY.

@ LONG LAST

Essentially I am really goddamn stoked this week! I had my orientation at SU and am finally a registered student. I think my really close friends are the only ones who know how important and exciting this is for me. I. Cant. Wait. I feel like I've been in community college for 10024r842yrs. The campus is evergreen-y and warm and not too big to feel lost, the library is brand new and has a cafe in it! & Private study rooms where you can bring that coffee! One of the most annoying things about Seattle Central for me is that utter disrespect everyone has for the library. Whenever I'm in there, every table (exaggeration) is eating crinkly crackly junk food and teriyaki and speaking really fucking loudly. I LOVE libraries. Just respect the library. Respect the books.

Spring Quarter Schedule

I think I'm most looking forward to the Law, Literature & Society class. I try to gauge my excitement off of the legitimacy of required book list and I can't wait to read and discuss the books for this class. The philosophy class is part of the required SU curriculum, and I wish it weren't at night. The book list looks pretty good, and I have yet to read much of Plato & Aristotle, which we will be. Excited for that too! And British Lit II ! RENAISSANCE TIME Y'ALL!

 I've taken MW&F off so I will only be doing school those days & NOTHING ELSE. I'll work on TThSatSun, which is pretty much perfect since I'll never work more than two days in a row. That, my friends, is how to stay friendly in customer service.

The weather in Seattle has been slaughtering my happiness. It is remarkably difficult to get out of bed in the morning knowing that it is pouring and you have to walk. BUT IM 2 HAPPY 4 IT 2 GET ME DOWN!

I turned in my 12 page research paper for my Shakespeare as Lit class today, so I'm feeling that false yet euphoric sense of freedom with my time. No papers, no projects, no presentations...just finals. I ended up writing the paper on "Reflections of Elizabethan sexuality in Sonnets 15, 20, 129, and 130." I wrote about the traditional gender roles and norms of sexuality during Shakespeare's lifetime, and since the Elizabethans were surprisingly homosocial, also about the norms of homosexuality for both genders. I used sonnets related to the historic information I found, analyzed them, and then related Shakespeare's personal sexual characteristics to aspects of his society. It was actually a pretty fun paper. Lets talk about it sometime.

Gaga Ah Ah Ah

Currently at work eating spring rolls (so in love with Kaosami and the cafe's proximity) trying to figure out what the hell to write my ten page analysis paper on...I hate broad essay topic selection! And topic is everything. It's what makes the paper smooth or shit once you get to page six and don't know what else to say. I'm leaning towards "Reflections of Elizabethan Society Values in the Shakespearean Sonnets" because I think it is a genuinely interesting subject to me...and broad enough that in a ten page paper I will have more than enough material to use. The real pain will be getting all of that information organized and deciding what to talk about. At this point in my academic career, I'm not worried much about filling up ten pages...more so about organization.

I need to start using my goddamn camera. I don't feel like I has any time!!! But maybe March will be a photo-a-day month. I haven't lost my photo-eye, but without my iPhone and instagram, I'm feeling...lacking in the photo department. 

I'm growing my hair out...the arduous process begins. I finally feel like this isn't how I'm supposed to look anymore. If that makes any sense. 

New iPhone will be here by Saturday!!!! 

:D

A Calm of Sorts

I've been stressed out that I can't do school (community college) full-time and work 32 hours/week and still maintain the grades I want and NEED. With law school, getting a slightly higher grade in one class and raising my entire GPA (repeatedly) can make a $100,000 difference. No joke! I've researched the hell out of it. What will become of me, and of us, once I start UNI?! And law school? Fuhgeddaboudit.

I persuaded my International Relations teacher to give me 2 extra half-points on my midterm (all of the multiple choice questions were .5 points) with really super good [trivial] arguments. 18.5/20 to a 19.5/20. "Holla!," she said facetiously.

I'm worried for my future...I WILL be more stressed out than this once I am married with children, and I will still have to maintain my relationships and my schedule. How is it possible I'll be able to do it then if I can't do it now? Besides the whole "learn as you go" factor. I am pursuing a demanding career and also the whole family experience...if R feels neglected now, I don't know what to suggest will be his reality 15 years from now.

I don't want to help with the dishes, I do NOT want to clean the bathroom, I don't want to cuddle (before bedtime), I just want to read/write what I need to and effectively use every second of rational-thinking free time that I have. 

Also, watch United States of Tara. But more realistically, finish two more acts of King Lear and write some seriously awesome notes.

This post is titled "A Calm of Sorts," so I should clarify that it is such because I do NOT have to finish my analysis paper on Juliet for my Shakespeare class until tomorrow night, and my seminar group doesn't have to present until Monday...so I'm feeling relaxed. And I have two days off in a row! I get a hair cut tomorrow (kind of...I'm finally growing it out unless Pinterest talks me out of it), finish my Juliet analysis paper, let R make dinner for me, and relish the fact that I do not have to explain to anyone the difference between the Starbucks' caramel "macchiato" and the actual macchiato. 

rollercoastin

I hosted my group for my Lit. Masterpieces class at my 500 sq. foot apartment for mimosas and a viewing of The Hours. I have to say, it's really quite easy to get along with people you have nothing in common with. The condition of the Young Woman transcends a surprising number of boundaries. That was fun.

Ralph and I went to Saba for lunch and split a veggie platter. Ethiopian does everything you need it to. I want to live in it.

Today has been a good day amongst a series of unfortunate events. Nevermind that we had to talk about The Incident for the majority of lunch (not to mention the majority of most days). I can't wait until it goes away and we can start over or whatever.

I'm the most upset that this even had to happen to him...someone who has devoted his adult life to helping "troubled youth" find their ground. This is what he gets.

I made it!

I did it! I fucking did it! A's on two of my midterms and a B on the only one I thought I might have ruined with my total lack of understanding scansion. My essays were appreciated by my professor--she even pulled me aside after class today and told me how great they were and that I was sure to do well in the class.

EXACTLY WHAT I NEEDED TO HEAR.
I read both of the essays over again today and I can't even believe I wrote them. They're so good! I'm really excited about this. I feel very capable.

I had my 12 minute presentation today in International Relations--all about the Transnational Women's Movement. Got an A on that sucker, & an A on my Zionism paper...Im so happy with my grades right now!!!

On Tuesday I have to do a 30 line reading from Romeo & Juliet, a short powerpoint presentation on the context of the reading, and a 4 page paper on my conclusions. Another 4 page paper and a 20 minute group presentation (my favorite kind) on my favorite poets, short stories, and conclusions on The Hours due on Friday. I also need to begin that ol' 10 page analysis paper for Shakespeare...No idea what I'm going to do it on.

Only 2.5 more weeks until I register at this place!

PLZ B JOKING

I ran into a pole in the QFC parking lot last night. In Ralph's shiny car. The second time I've fucked up his wonderfully shiny car. He loves her. Black Betty.

So thats $500 during a time when we REALLY don't need to spending $500 on anything we don't need to.

2012 is off to a bad start.
I'm hoping karma pays me back with a lot of sundresses.

YOU HEAR ME, KARMA?

For real?!

Ok. So I aced my international relations midterm today. And I found my study guide in my notebook (IN CLASS), so it turns out I didn't forget at work.

I've finished both of my Intro to Shakespeare as Lit. essays, and I have to say...they are a couple of the most well written essays I have ever produced. Really goddamn solid essays; I'm really proud of them. Which I should be considering they are only four pages each and I spent like sixteen hours between the two...literally.

I better not turn into one of those people who are constantly stressed out because they are constantly stressing themselves out.







I decided I won't be.

Why did I sign up for this again?

I forgot my study guide for my International Relations midterm at work. I only really needed to read more about the essay questions (because he said those would be verbatim the questions on the test), but I'm forgetting everything I've ever known! I have read every chapter, taken detailed and well organized notes on every single page, and I AM STILL FREAKING OUT.

Because seeing things in list form makes them feel manageable:
-International Relations midterm TO-fucking-DAY
-Two four page essays due Friday for the take-home portion of my Intro2Shakespeare class
-12 minute powerpoint presentation on Zionism in Israel and the occupied territories of Pakistan due next Friday
-Eight pages on Transcendentalism vs Calvinism for U.S. Lit. Masterpieces due Monday

I know I'm a huge whiner, but I have to whine somewhere and R graduated two months ago and he is NOT having it. Keep in mind that I get two hours to study five days out of the week? And that it takes my ass four hours to write two pages. Two perfect pages.

I'm going to go to bed now, and hope that when I wake my mind won't be clear of everything I've learned the past month.

Wicked

I have absolutely nothing good to report. Absolutely nothing. R and I have had the worst week--more so R than myself...but there were 2 days he was gone and I was unable to talk to him. Two days that my only way to talk to him was through messages relayed by a lawyer. I had no idea how long 48 hours could really be.

I can't stop wondering if it would've happened if he weren't black, and I do NOT think it would have. A part of my innocence is gone. I'm finally learning what its like to be black, I guess.

Now we are on the other side, but we don't have our life back. We won't have our life back for a while.

Cryptic, but its all I can say in a public post.

Add to that MIDTERMS are this week and I am drowning in a slew of heavy assignments, readings, and study groups in addition to my apparent understanding that every paper I produce needs to be of publishing quality. It does not. But I have a really hard time convincing myself that isn't true.

I am stressed out to the max, basically.

But I'm fairly confident that this will only make us stronger (albeit jaded) individuals and a stronger couple.

It just really sucks that this had to happen and that it's part of his story now. Of my story. That really sucks.

I die.

MY WEEK

It's been a kind of horrible week. 

My phone was stolen from the computer lab at school. I was freaking out about writing the scansion in on my sonnet when I didn't understand the meter of my sonnet and I didn't leave the lab until 12:58 for my 1pm class. Bad idea. I rushed out and forgot my phone next to my computer. I got HALF WAY DOWN THE HALL and realized I didn't have my phone. Figured I'd just turn around and grab it since it had only been, you know, 40 seconds tops. The hallways are not very long and I walk very briskly. When I was packing up my bag, a guy sat down at the computer next to me and I was leaving, I turned around and noticed that he was moving over to my computer. When I returned for my phone, dude was gone and so was my sweet iPhone.  That means he saw me packing up and was watching and HOPING I would forget it. I can not imagine not saying "Hey, don't forget your phone!" I just can't.

Yadda, yadda...I went to class all sad and defeated and "WTF" and then remembered the Find My iPhone app on my phone. I ran back to the computer lab and looked up the location of my phone and the guy was  a couple blocks away, so I basically just watched where he went because he was walking around. He came back to the school and the map showed my phone right outside the north entrance of the school. I kept refreshing, but the phone stayed put. I ran down 3 flights of stairs and questioned EVERYONE hanging out outside about my phone. I shook through all of the garbage cans--all of which contained human and/or dog shit, but no phone. I tracked him for the rest of the day and he kept returning to one house, so I went the next day not really knowing what to expect. A woman answers the door and I tell her about my stolen phone and the satellites telling me that it is in her home. She invites me in and keeps saying she doesn't really know what to do. I give her the description and ask that if its a roommate or a friend of a roommate, please guilt him for me. She says ok. I walk home. DEFEATED 4 REAL.

Now for the icing! When I upgraded my phone at the apple store, I don't know if they can't do it there or if I was supposed to do it online, but for the FIRST TIME I didn't get insurance on my phone. I always get it--I think I was supposed to do it online but I was so excited that I forgot and missed the 30 day deadline. Either way, I don't have it, and now I have to pay at least $300 for something I had on MONDAY. 

I didn't realize how much I relied on that thing, but its become a pretty indispensable part of my every day life. I walk most places and frequently use Maps to find the fastest route and figure out which direction I am currently walking (I'm horrible with directions...I'll know I'm on 3rd and want to get to 4th and I end up at 2nd and have to backtrack...not efficient). I use OneBusAway to determine when to leave for my bus. It shows you a map with all of the buses and a fairly accurate time of arrival, whether or not the bus is early or late, etc. Because of that app, I don't have to stand outside for an extra 15 minutes because I know before I leave that the bus is running 15 minutes late, and vice versa, I will leave 2 minutes early because the bus is running 4 minutes early and if I would have left at my normal time, I would've missed it.I use that app so much that I would gladly pay $100 for that app, I tell you. Its my key to the city! 

I just used that thing for so much, and in my head its not really an option not to buy another one. A friend at work recommended a reputable site where he buys used stuff in really good condition, and I think I'll check that out since he bought his iPhone and iTouch (I don't know why you'd want both, but I digress...) from them and they were both rated "Good" (a 2/3 on their scale) and there are no cracks, no chips, or anything of the sort on them. They look great. So I'll probably buy one when I get my tax return and skip my upgrade in October.

Don't even get me started on Instagram. 

Snow in Seattle

My friend Thom depicted it pretty perfectly.

What I learned this week

1. Men are going to end humanity peacocking around with nuclear weapons.
-Can we get some women in power?! Honestly?! I don't know why anyone thought men were the best candidates for global leadership (obviously men put themselves in this role but still...). We had something to do with the scientist killed in Tehran this week and they are absolutely going to retaliate and Americans are definitely going to lose their lives over NOTHING. Hillary probably had something to do with that too, but I bet she argued against it! I bet she did.

2. We are reading the sonnets in my Shakespeare class and I am so in love! I don't know why they bother trying to teach teenagers anything--I definitely couldn't have appreciated Shakespeare until recently. We read the Elizabethan World Picture before starting on Willy's actual work in order to get a better understanding of the common beliefs, sayings, and limitations of his time. This has already helped me understand many of his popular metaphors. Very excited about this!

3. English Lit major was a good idea.

4. International relations was a good idea.
-News involving the Middle East makes A TON more sense. I can actually read, be interested in, and comprehend all of the headlines on the NYtimes now and this excites me very much. Except for stuff involving the stock market. Different language.

5. R is a really solid man. Just real great.

I have become obsessed with the Timbuk2 Commute 2.0 and really, really, want one for school/work. On school days, I often go straight from school->cafe to study->45 min bus ride to work->work and I take the bus home from work as well. Mind you, I carry my macbook, 2 HUGE anthologies, notebooks, pens, highlighters, sometimes my DSLR, and the rest of my school crap. So either I stop at home and switch bags (carrying my huge, floppy, purse with my computer, charger, planner, and whatsits) or I carry my giant 8 pound backpack full of things I'm not going to need until the next morning. My backpack is also not too sleek on the bus (during rush hour in particular) and I almost always hit someone with my backpack upon turning my body. Lot of apologizing going on here.

BEHOLD!

All roomy and sexy and efficient. And TSA compliant (don't have to take the laptop out of the bag at security). And most importantly--waterproof. Its ugly--I'll give you that. But it gets the job done, and its not like I'm going to carry this thing to a wedding or anything. Strictly weekdays. We will see. 

B.O.A. (Burnt Out Already)

ITS ALREADY HAPPENED! Second day of the school/work combo and I'm already behind.

Three days out of the [school] week I have a total of 2 hours in-between school and my commute to work. Each of those days I will be assigned 30-80 pages of reading between all my classes. I mean, I read pretty fast but I am by no means that impressive of a reader. I get home from work around 11:45pm-12:30am and I CAN.NOT. read another 30 pages of anything that late! I can skim it, take notes on what I'm getting. But really! I can't be impressive in the class discussions if I didn't read the shit thoroughly! Which is what education is all about.

I think I'm gonna go down to 4 days a week at work next month. I'm sure I'll hardly miss the money considering I worked 4 days a week all of fall quarter and saved a lot of money for the move regardless....pretty sure.

There's just no way I can be a good student and work this much as well. I hate when other students can discuss the text better than I can. I just really hate it.

Hottest French chick on Leno right now.

I love the first day of school. I really do. I love getting new notebooks, folders, books, PENS and new teachers full of information I want. I skipped a planner last year which was a HUGE mistake, so I'm pretty excited to drop by Elliot Bay Books to pick up a new moleskine (& their bomb house arugala salad) as well. And a planner pen! A perfect planner pen. I LOVE FIRST DAYS! Also love that in college you get three of them each year.

My schedule this quarter:

10-10:50am: Literary Masterpieces of the United States

11-11:50am: International Relations

1-1:50pm: Shakespeare I

Since I was still 15 credits away from my A.A. and enrolling without it would cost me a lot of $$$ and time at SU, I am taking another 3 classes at at SC which are all, conveniently, electives. The english classes will fulfill major requirements for my B.A. Eng. and international relations is to help me comprehend all of these NYTimes articles that seem so far away from me and my realm of knowledge. I read them anyway and try and piece together what back-info the author divulges, but the authors always assume you know something about Israeli-Palestininian conflict & shit! I just want to know a little more about how the world works, essentially. Essentially. 

The last two quarters my classes weren't until noon or one and I assure you I began my day accordingly. Waking up at noon stopped feeling good, so this quarter I vowed to take earlier classes to force myself asleep earlier and to start my day earlier. 

We'll see how I feel about this in a couple weeks.

2011

Happy new year, internet! I spent NYE with my boy, some palz, some beerz, some rock&roll, some dancing and lots of walking around Seattle arguing about whether or not we should take a cab! Appropriate I think.

Its been a damn good year.

I enrolled in school full-time after a 2.5 year hiatus from academia and totally kicked some ass. I boosted my GPA earning an A- average at my current school. I was accepted at Seattle University and (for once) my financial aid package actually matched my real-life income. My amazing 52 year old aunt and my Grammy both passed away making the first deaths on either side of my family in several years.  I learned to manage my money better. I bought myself a DSLR as a result of learning to manage my money better (Best Purchase Ever).  R and I got our first apartment together!!!

R and I became a beautifully functioning couple as I learned to speak my mind instead of analyzing the situation and compartmentalizing my findings/feelings. I realized what an amazing man I have loving me and trying to work with me. I realized I don't need or want anyone else, maybe ever. When I tried to imagine my life with and without him ten years from now, I didn't want to give up the 'with him' version for anything else. Mind that "without him" featured me as a successful attorney in a city that is not on the Pacific who dates her pick of beautiful & intelligent men until she's ready to "settle down."Also in this version, I am wearing Louboutin's. And I didn't want it! The "with him" version looked a lot like this. So I think that explains things.

I wanted to try and find a fun photo that summed up the year but, alas, nothing is appropriate. Instead, have some festive adorable.

My little sister and I circa 1993.