Gaga Ah Ah Ah

Currently at work eating spring rolls (so in love with Kaosami and the cafe's proximity) trying to figure out what the hell to write my ten page analysis paper on...I hate broad essay topic selection! And topic is everything. It's what makes the paper smooth or shit once you get to page six and don't know what else to say. I'm leaning towards "Reflections of Elizabethan Society Values in the Shakespearean Sonnets" because I think it is a genuinely interesting subject to me...and broad enough that in a ten page paper I will have more than enough material to use. The real pain will be getting all of that information organized and deciding what to talk about. At this point in my academic career, I'm not worried much about filling up ten pages...more so about organization.

I need to start using my goddamn camera. I don't feel like I has any time!!! But maybe March will be a photo-a-day month. I haven't lost my photo-eye, but without my iPhone and instagram, I'm feeling...lacking in the photo department. 

I'm growing my hair out...the arduous process begins. I finally feel like this isn't how I'm supposed to look anymore. If that makes any sense. 

New iPhone will be here by Saturday!!!! 

:D

A Calm of Sorts

I've been stressed out that I can't do school (community college) full-time and work 32 hours/week and still maintain the grades I want and NEED. With law school, getting a slightly higher grade in one class and raising my entire GPA (repeatedly) can make a $100,000 difference. No joke! I've researched the hell out of it. What will become of me, and of us, once I start UNI?! And law school? Fuhgeddaboudit.

I persuaded my International Relations teacher to give me 2 extra half-points on my midterm (all of the multiple choice questions were .5 points) with really super good [trivial] arguments. 18.5/20 to a 19.5/20. "Holla!," she said facetiously.

I'm worried for my future...I WILL be more stressed out than this once I am married with children, and I will still have to maintain my relationships and my schedule. How is it possible I'll be able to do it then if I can't do it now? Besides the whole "learn as you go" factor. I am pursuing a demanding career and also the whole family experience...if R feels neglected now, I don't know what to suggest will be his reality 15 years from now.

I don't want to help with the dishes, I do NOT want to clean the bathroom, I don't want to cuddle (before bedtime), I just want to read/write what I need to and effectively use every second of rational-thinking free time that I have. 

Also, watch United States of Tara. But more realistically, finish two more acts of King Lear and write some seriously awesome notes.

This post is titled "A Calm of Sorts," so I should clarify that it is such because I do NOT have to finish my analysis paper on Juliet for my Shakespeare class until tomorrow night, and my seminar group doesn't have to present until Monday...so I'm feeling relaxed. And I have two days off in a row! I get a hair cut tomorrow (kind of...I'm finally growing it out unless Pinterest talks me out of it), finish my Juliet analysis paper, let R make dinner for me, and relish the fact that I do not have to explain to anyone the difference between the Starbucks' caramel "macchiato" and the actual macchiato. 

rollercoastin

I hosted my group for my Lit. Masterpieces class at my 500 sq. foot apartment for mimosas and a viewing of The Hours. I have to say, it's really quite easy to get along with people you have nothing in common with. The condition of the Young Woman transcends a surprising number of boundaries. That was fun.

Ralph and I went to Saba for lunch and split a veggie platter. Ethiopian does everything you need it to. I want to live in it.

Today has been a good day amongst a series of unfortunate events. Nevermind that we had to talk about The Incident for the majority of lunch (not to mention the majority of most days). I can't wait until it goes away and we can start over or whatever.

I'm the most upset that this even had to happen to him...someone who has devoted his adult life to helping "troubled youth" find their ground. This is what he gets.

I made it!

I did it! I fucking did it! A's on two of my midterms and a B on the only one I thought I might have ruined with my total lack of understanding scansion. My essays were appreciated by my professor--she even pulled me aside after class today and told me how great they were and that I was sure to do well in the class.

EXACTLY WHAT I NEEDED TO HEAR.
I read both of the essays over again today and I can't even believe I wrote them. They're so good! I'm really excited about this. I feel very capable.

I had my 12 minute presentation today in International Relations--all about the Transnational Women's Movement. Got an A on that sucker, & an A on my Zionism paper...Im so happy with my grades right now!!!

On Tuesday I have to do a 30 line reading from Romeo & Juliet, a short powerpoint presentation on the context of the reading, and a 4 page paper on my conclusions. Another 4 page paper and a 20 minute group presentation (my favorite kind) on my favorite poets, short stories, and conclusions on The Hours due on Friday. I also need to begin that ol' 10 page analysis paper for Shakespeare...No idea what I'm going to do it on.

Only 2.5 more weeks until I register at this place!

PLZ B JOKING

I ran into a pole in the QFC parking lot last night. In Ralph's shiny car. The second time I've fucked up his wonderfully shiny car. He loves her. Black Betty.

So thats $500 during a time when we REALLY don't need to spending $500 on anything we don't need to.

2012 is off to a bad start.
I'm hoping karma pays me back with a lot of sundresses.

YOU HEAR ME, KARMA?

For real?!

Ok. So I aced my international relations midterm today. And I found my study guide in my notebook (IN CLASS), so it turns out I didn't forget at work.

I've finished both of my Intro to Shakespeare as Lit. essays, and I have to say...they are a couple of the most well written essays I have ever produced. Really goddamn solid essays; I'm really proud of them. Which I should be considering they are only four pages each and I spent like sixteen hours between the two...literally.

I better not turn into one of those people who are constantly stressed out because they are constantly stressing themselves out.







I decided I won't be.

Why did I sign up for this again?

I forgot my study guide for my International Relations midterm at work. I only really needed to read more about the essay questions (because he said those would be verbatim the questions on the test), but I'm forgetting everything I've ever known! I have read every chapter, taken detailed and well organized notes on every single page, and I AM STILL FREAKING OUT.

Because seeing things in list form makes them feel manageable:
-International Relations midterm TO-fucking-DAY
-Two four page essays due Friday for the take-home portion of my Intro2Shakespeare class
-12 minute powerpoint presentation on Zionism in Israel and the occupied territories of Pakistan due next Friday
-Eight pages on Transcendentalism vs Calvinism for U.S. Lit. Masterpieces due Monday

I know I'm a huge whiner, but I have to whine somewhere and R graduated two months ago and he is NOT having it. Keep in mind that I get two hours to study five days out of the week? And that it takes my ass four hours to write two pages. Two perfect pages.

I'm going to go to bed now, and hope that when I wake my mind won't be clear of everything I've learned the past month.

Wicked

I have absolutely nothing good to report. Absolutely nothing. R and I have had the worst week--more so R than myself...but there were 2 days he was gone and I was unable to talk to him. Two days that my only way to talk to him was through messages relayed by a lawyer. I had no idea how long 48 hours could really be.

I can't stop wondering if it would've happened if he weren't black, and I do NOT think it would have. A part of my innocence is gone. I'm finally learning what its like to be black, I guess.

Now we are on the other side, but we don't have our life back. We won't have our life back for a while.

Cryptic, but its all I can say in a public post.

Add to that MIDTERMS are this week and I am drowning in a slew of heavy assignments, readings, and study groups in addition to my apparent understanding that every paper I produce needs to be of publishing quality. It does not. But I have a really hard time convincing myself that isn't true.

I am stressed out to the max, basically.

But I'm fairly confident that this will only make us stronger (albeit jaded) individuals and a stronger couple.

It just really sucks that this had to happen and that it's part of his story now. Of my story. That really sucks.